Do you live in a peaceful home? Or do you and your spouse seem to argue and yell about everything? Did you know there is something you can do in your relationship that can transform it from contentious to serene?
Early in our dating relationship, my wife and I set one ground rule for how we would handle disagreements and any other problems that arose. That rule was very simple -- we were not allowed to yell at each other.
Of course, we broke the rule periodically. But because we knew it was unacceptable, doing so caused pretty serious consequences. I remember one time I raised my voice at my wife and it literally stunned her. I could tell by her reaction that I had crossed the line.
Through the years, this rule has stuck. But not only that, it has really guided our relationship with each other (and even with our children). Why? Because we learned that yelling at each other was disrespectful and degrading. We also hated that it seemed to make the problem we were dealing with even worse. It showed that we were willing to drive the other person down in order to get our point across.
It also encouraged a "win at all costs" attitude, which is selfish at its core. And, when we did yell, it never solved any of our problems with a godly solution. If I won an argument by yelling, the outcome was rarely biblical. One thing I noticed about my own heart was that yelling was a way to distract her from the real problem. This was a big problem when I knew she was right, but I was not willing to admit my own fault.
While the rule started out as a law in our relationship, it has become a real desire and expression of grace. It has taken time, but the law actually taught us about grace in ways we never expected. It wasn't until a few years after making the rule that I read James 4:1: "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?"
So the next time you feel your tone of voice getting out of control, ask yourself if your passions are taking over or if you're solving the problem with your spouse's best interest and, more importantly, the Lord's will at heart. Doing so can do wonders for the emotional climate of your home.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Is Your Spouse an Easy Target for an Affair? Even If You Say "No," Read This...
Do you ever take your spouse for granted? Do you ever say, "My spouse would never cheat on me?" If so, you need to be careful. Here's why...
Many affairs come completely out of the blue. They happen to those who least expect it. And many of them happen to people you would least expect. I once heard a woman who had an affair say, "I wasn't looking to have an affair. And I never dreamed I would fall into one. It just happened."
Well, it didn't just happen. It is possible she never thought about it. But the affair happened because she didn't have her guard up. Any time you say, "I'll never have an affair" or "I'm sure my spouse would never have an affair," it's a clear sign that you've become apathetic toward sin -- and don't fully understand its power.
1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." If you let your guard down, you become a prime target for sin to creep in. The devil loves it when you become apathetic and take things for granted.
But even worse than apathy is the self-righteousness these thoughts produce. They are a sign that we think we (or our spouse or someone else) is above sin and unable to fall into sin. And that simply isn't true.
Remember, God's strength is best exhibited in our weakness. So when we acknowledge our weakness and how easy it would be for us to fall into sin, we are far more likely to remain dependent on God and His watchful protection.
Admitting our weakness also shows that we are "sober-minded." We understand the reality of our situation and our powerlessness in the face of temptation. It's in this weakness that God's power is made evident.
As a spouse, you have to stay on guard for your loved one. While you can't prevent someone else from giving into temptation, there are some things you can do help them stay faithful. You can show your spouse consistent devotion. And you can serve them with your words and deeds.
Remember, your spouse is human. They need to be built up and encouraged. Tearing them down all the time is a sure way to drive them away. If you provide the right kind of environment, any temptation to infidelity is far less prone to take root, much less grow into maturity.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/
Many affairs come completely out of the blue. They happen to those who least expect it. And many of them happen to people you would least expect. I once heard a woman who had an affair say, "I wasn't looking to have an affair. And I never dreamed I would fall into one. It just happened."
Well, it didn't just happen. It is possible she never thought about it. But the affair happened because she didn't have her guard up. Any time you say, "I'll never have an affair" or "I'm sure my spouse would never have an affair," it's a clear sign that you've become apathetic toward sin -- and don't fully understand its power.
1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." If you let your guard down, you become a prime target for sin to creep in. The devil loves it when you become apathetic and take things for granted.
But even worse than apathy is the self-righteousness these thoughts produce. They are a sign that we think we (or our spouse or someone else) is above sin and unable to fall into sin. And that simply isn't true.
Remember, God's strength is best exhibited in our weakness. So when we acknowledge our weakness and how easy it would be for us to fall into sin, we are far more likely to remain dependent on God and His watchful protection.
Admitting our weakness also shows that we are "sober-minded." We understand the reality of our situation and our powerlessness in the face of temptation. It's in this weakness that God's power is made evident.
As a spouse, you have to stay on guard for your loved one. While you can't prevent someone else from giving into temptation, there are some things you can do help them stay faithful. You can show your spouse consistent devotion. And you can serve them with your words and deeds.
Remember, your spouse is human. They need to be built up and encouraged. Tearing them down all the time is a sure way to drive them away. If you provide the right kind of environment, any temptation to infidelity is far less prone to take root, much less grow into maturity.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/
3 Ways to Get Your Husband to Talk to You
A study that found that most women want their husbands to talk to them. The desire is so great, that the majority of women said this was more important to them than sex, money, or children. So how can a woman get her husband to talk to her?
It's a tricky question, because the very nature of the question makes it sound like you can manipulate your husband into talking. Well, that's not the right way to go about it. You can't simply make someone talk if he doesn't want to. In fact, if you try, you're more likely to drive him away than you are to find success.
But that doesn't mean you're stuck doing nothing. There are, in fact, many things you can do to encourage him to talk. Let's look at three of them.
(1) Pray -- This seems obvious, but most people pray according to their own desires, not according to their husband's greatest need. In other words, do your prayers sound something like this, "Lord, please make my husband talk to me." If they do, then you know your prayers are focused on you and not on your husband.
The next time you pray for your husband, try this instead: Pray for his relationship with God. If he's not talking to you, then he's not leading you and your family. He's not fulfilling his duty as the spiritual leader of the home. So his relationship with God isn't where it needs to be. You can't force your husband to have a right relationship with God, but you can pray for him. So pray and trust God.
Once he gets his relationship with God in order, you'll be amazed at the difference in his willingness to talk. It probably won't come all at once, though, so be patient.
(2) Give up control -- Remember what happened in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve fell? The curse against the woman was that she would desire her husband. Another way to think of this is that the woman would desire to control her husband. A major reason a man refuses to talk to his wife is because it's his way of maintaining control of an area of his life. The minute he opens his mouth about it, a controlling wife will instantly take control of it. So he remains quiet.
Many wives don't realize they're controlling. The best way to discover what your husband thinks is to ask him if you're controlling. But be prepared for an answer you may not like. And don't get defensive. Listen closely to what he says. You might learn something about why he doesn't talk to you.
If a controlling wife wants her husband to talk, she has to give up control. She can start by repenting and asking God and her husband for forgiveness.
Then she needs to take the focus off of what he's not doing and turn her attention to what he is doing. Encourage him, praise him, and find ways to build him up. Use Philippians 4:8 as an outline for action: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
(3) Study your husband -- Who does your husband talk to? Why does he talk to them? What does he get from them? By studying your husband's conversation habits, you might discover some things you're not offering him in your discussions with him.
Also consider what really turns him on. What are his interests? Try to learn more about those interests and talk to him about them. Remember, the goal here is to start a habit of conversation. So even if it doesn't go very deep, at least you're getting him to talk.
Finally, study his strengths and weaknesses. How can you encourage the areas where he's strong? And how can you help out where he's weak? Service will go a long way toward starting conversation.
Every man is different. And the reasons they don't talk are just as varied. But these three principles will help you focus on the real priorities.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/
It's a tricky question, because the very nature of the question makes it sound like you can manipulate your husband into talking. Well, that's not the right way to go about it. You can't simply make someone talk if he doesn't want to. In fact, if you try, you're more likely to drive him away than you are to find success.
But that doesn't mean you're stuck doing nothing. There are, in fact, many things you can do to encourage him to talk. Let's look at three of them.
(1) Pray -- This seems obvious, but most people pray according to their own desires, not according to their husband's greatest need. In other words, do your prayers sound something like this, "Lord, please make my husband talk to me." If they do, then you know your prayers are focused on you and not on your husband.
The next time you pray for your husband, try this instead: Pray for his relationship with God. If he's not talking to you, then he's not leading you and your family. He's not fulfilling his duty as the spiritual leader of the home. So his relationship with God isn't where it needs to be. You can't force your husband to have a right relationship with God, but you can pray for him. So pray and trust God.
Once he gets his relationship with God in order, you'll be amazed at the difference in his willingness to talk. It probably won't come all at once, though, so be patient.
(2) Give up control -- Remember what happened in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve fell? The curse against the woman was that she would desire her husband. Another way to think of this is that the woman would desire to control her husband. A major reason a man refuses to talk to his wife is because it's his way of maintaining control of an area of his life. The minute he opens his mouth about it, a controlling wife will instantly take control of it. So he remains quiet.
Many wives don't realize they're controlling. The best way to discover what your husband thinks is to ask him if you're controlling. But be prepared for an answer you may not like. And don't get defensive. Listen closely to what he says. You might learn something about why he doesn't talk to you.
If a controlling wife wants her husband to talk, she has to give up control. She can start by repenting and asking God and her husband for forgiveness.
Then she needs to take the focus off of what he's not doing and turn her attention to what he is doing. Encourage him, praise him, and find ways to build him up. Use Philippians 4:8 as an outline for action: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
(3) Study your husband -- Who does your husband talk to? Why does he talk to them? What does he get from them? By studying your husband's conversation habits, you might discover some things you're not offering him in your discussions with him.
Also consider what really turns him on. What are his interests? Try to learn more about those interests and talk to him about them. Remember, the goal here is to start a habit of conversation. So even if it doesn't go very deep, at least you're getting him to talk.
Finally, study his strengths and weaknesses. How can you encourage the areas where he's strong? And how can you help out where he's weak? Service will go a long way toward starting conversation.
Every man is different. And the reasons they don't talk are just as varied. But these three principles will help you focus on the real priorities.
Article Source: http://www.ArticleStreet.com/
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